Something I Can't Let Go Of
by Serenity's Ghost
Summary: Though I've betrayed everyone and cut off my ties with those from my past, my connection to her still remains. Young Justice Invasion fic. Kaldur and OC - Kassidy - from "She Has No Fear".


**Hi, people! Just had a random idea and decided to write on it so here you go.**

**Standard disclaimer: No, I really don't own anything except this story and a few others.**

I opened the door and found her now undressing from her day and my face automatically lifted some of the gravity from its expression. It was almost nine o' clock and yet she was still wearing the fitted black skirt and white shirt from work which she got off from at three o' clock and was only now starting to unbutton the shirt. Upon seeing me, a gorgeous but small smile spread onto her lips.

"Did you now get in?" I asked.

"Yeah, I went to the library to get some work done and I hadn't realised what the time was. They had to kick me out," she admitted with a laugh. Her laugh was a most wonderful thing to hear. I enjoyed hearing it still, after so long.

She came towards me and put her arms around my neck, tiptoeing so that our faces could be closer. My hands went to her waist. The movement was automatic. She was almost a full foot shorter than me. I found it endearing. It made her all the more adorable.

"Kaldur, how are you? Are you doing okay?" she asked. Her tone of voice was how it usually was when she was concerned about my health and safety, one that was brimming with sheer love and care. It made my throat tighten and my heart throb. It was certainly something special to be worried about though I was a capable man and soldier. Somehow, to her, these things were irrelevant and she worried anyway, seeing me for what I was at my core: mortal. I wondered if I were otherwise, if she would worry still.

"I am…fine."

"But tired, right? And you're lying about the fine part. I know it must be hard for you, having to be separated from all your friends, deceiving them."

I shook my head. "No, it was my decision to do this."

She chuckled. "That doesn't make it any less hard, darling."

"Kassidy…"

She leaned forward and brushed her lips against mine. "Hm?"

I was silent for a long moment. "Are you alright?"

"I am now that you're here."

"How was your day?"

"Busy. Small children really have an inexhaustible fountain of energy. They're so hard to keep up with. But," she pulled back and looked me in the eyes and there was excitement dancing in hers, "we made some progress. They finished learning to write numbers today and all of them seem to be good at it."

I offered her a small smile. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," she responded, beaming at me. I leaned in and kissed her. "How about we get you out of that suit?"

I obeyed, getting it off for her when she released me. "Kassidy, I have missed you," I said, unbuttoning her shirt the rest of the way as she had not completely done so herself.

"I missed you, too, sweetheart. Two weeks felt like—"

"Forever," I completed for her. It had felt like forever.

A year ago, Nightwing and I had put a plan into action, a plan where I betrayed the team and joined forces with my biological father, Black Manta, all in an effort to discover the identity of The Light's new partner. The only ones who knew about the plan were those involved: Wally, Artemis, Nightwing and myself. Kassidy knew minor details, such as the fact that I was part of an undercover operation and that as a result of having to be under such deep cover, I was in a dangerous situation without many friends. Of all the things that I had been forced to give up, I could not give her up. Nightwing had told me many times that for my sake and for hers and for the sake of the mission that I should let her go. But she was not someone I could let go of. I both loved her and needed her too much to do so now.

We all knew that it was dangerous for me to still be involved with her while I was undercover. If Black Manta in his yet existent distrust of me had decided to have someone follow me and she was discovered, he would have her captured, interrogated and then executed. I had informed her that if I continued to meet her while the ruse was on-going that her life would be in danger but she did not seem to care. She either trusted my skill in being discrete far too much or did not care for danger once she had me. Both were stupid moves. Both were moves I would be glad for and was glad for. She was precious to me and I would not let anything happen to her. Though Tula's death had shaken me, Kassidy's would tear me apart. My love for Tula was nothing compared to my love for her, a candle before a forest fire, a small flame that was extinguished soon after being rejected.

"You must be tired," I said, between kisses.

"It's nothing because you're here now. All of me is for you right now."

I lifted her into my arms bridal style and took her to the bedroom.

Post entanglement, we lay in bed, holding each other tightly in our arms, resting our weary bodies, minds and souls. Perhaps I could try again, try to convince her and myself that we should desist from these dangerous rendezvouses to save her life and my cover. She stirred on my chest and looked up at me with eyes full of happiness and appreciation. Eyes that I was weak against. With just one look, I knew I could not do it. I had to look into her eyes and I had to continue to meet her, to talk to her, to make love with her and to hold her.

She snuggled against my chest, closing her eyes. "Kaldur?"

"Yes, Kassidy?"

"I love you."

I held her more tightly for a brief moment before relaxing my hold on her. "And I love you." It was bliss to hear her say it and bliss to say it back. I knew there was no other woman for me besides her.

I reflected on the serendipitous day that we met and deemed it indeed one of the greatest things that had happened to me. It had taken me a whole year and the joining of a few more teammates to look her up again, finally, feeling stronger and as if I was in a better position to become romantically involved with her. Perhaps seeing so many of them pairing off had made my heart ache slightly for the joys and sorrows that they felt. She had welcomed me with open arms and kisses that revealed how much she had missed me and how glad she was that I had decided to return to her, all that after we had spent merely a few hours together a whole year before. But those few hours were enough for me to know that I wanted to be near Kassidy Arthan, to know her, to love her. It did not take long after that for me to fall in love with her.

Having had to tell her that we would not be able to see each other often due to my mission had been difficult. She had asked if there was no other way. I had said I wished there was. It was the first night that we had made love. She had held me tightly and told me that she would never let me go unless I truly wished it, and even then, her heart would still cling to me. I felt as if she had stolen the words from my soul. Opportunities to visit her were sporadic, once for this month, twice for that, the most frequent having been three consecutive days three months ago. On the third night, we hadn't slept at all. We remained in each other's arms, taking, getting, giving, receiving, the night sated and used specifically for love. I had left with a heavy heart. I had almost cried. Almost. I had to be strong if I expected to return to her alive after this was all over.

Every moment I spent without her, I worried. Beside a small group of close friends and a brother who was always abroad on business, I was all she had. I had worried that she was lonely and if she would get tired of being left alone and being treated as something other than a priority and find someone else. But every time I returned to her and she kissed me, undressed me, touched me, took me, my worries were quelled. I knew that Kassidy loved me. And I would honour that.

The next morning, I found her in the kitchen, making breakfast. Her eyes were asking if I had to go. I wondered if my agony at having to reached her.

"Soon," I said softly. Eyes full of sadness, she switched off the fire and threw herself into my arms, kissing me desperately and taking me back to her bed. Her hunger and sadness were evident. My own responded. She touched and tasted me as if to leave the impression of herself all over me, a memento until when next we were permitted to meet, maybe a week from now, a month, maybe a year. She kissed my neck, not revolted by the gills, but rather seemingly loving them because they were part of me, of who I was. She had never been bothered by our differences. She had always embraced them and said that all that mattered was who I was and whether I loved her. She had been intrigued by my Atlantean physiology and culture. She claimed that it was my differences and personality that had seduced her and made her helpless but to love me. When I took her, I was slow. My name was her mantra and she held onto me as if she never intended to let go.

After our descent, once my breathing had evened, I quickly went to cleanse myself and don my suit. When I exited the adjoining bathroom, I found her sitting at the edge of the bed, barely covered in a sheet, tears streaming from her face. I had never seen her cry before today. It broke my heart.

I went to sit beside her and she climbed onto my lap and put her arms around me and her head on my shoulder. "Why do you cry? What is wrong?"

"Why does it have to be you, Kaldur? Why does it have to be like this? I love you and I'm so proud of who you are and what you're doing but it just breaks my heart to see you walking out my door and disappearing for weeks on end. I worry so much and I miss you so much that I think my heart will tear itself to pieces. I want to make you stay, Kaldur. I love you. I want you to stay with me, forever, always. I want to protect you."

I hesitated, feeling my throat tighten. "I am…sorry, Kassidy. I hurt you too much. Perhaps it is best for you to let me go."

"No! I'll never let you go, even if it hurts me. I love you. I love you."

"It is regrettable that I cannot stay. You know there is nothing I want more."

She sighed but when she spoke, her voice sounded stronger. "I know." She lifted herself off of me and sat back on the bed. "Go. I believe in you. Stay safe, okay?"

We both smiled at her impossible wish. "I will try. Do not forget that I love you. I will return. I promise you."

The pain I felt as I walked out of her apartment was great but I consoled myself, knowing that the pain I would feel if I let her go would be exponentially greater. She was something, someone, I could not let go of, not now and not ever.


End file.
